Ugly Side

playlist position: 150 - Midnight Sun Draft Version (1.5b) #9
artist: Blue October
album: History for Sale
track: 1/12
year: 2003
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I must have sneezed

On knees I freeze

I mean I just choked up

Somehow I slept

I dream, I mean

I dreamt of nothing

Able to breathe

A sweet relief

Now that you're here with me

A northern degree

Dove into me

Now I'm recovering

I only want you to see

My favorite part of me

And not my ugly side

Not my ugly side

Hook up a C.B. Wave a way

For conversation flow

I'm shoved in your cave

To wage this rage

Don't let me go

A kick and a scream is all that seems

To mean a lot thus far

I won't let you on my stage, my page

You can't know

Yet you have to know

I only want you to see

My favorite part of me

And not my ugly side

Not my ugly side

So calm and now it's dark

I look for you to light my heart

I'm in between the moon and where you are

I know I can't be far

You Make Me Smile

playlist position: 153 - Midnight Sun Draft Version (1.5b) #13
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track: 1/13
year: 2006
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Some kind of light at the end

When touching the edge of her skin

Once so hard to speak

Now so easy to play around

Catching your eye 

You know that eye 

That slapped you in your face

Calls you a puppy

Well, how do you say

I was hypnotized

Hypnotized

My words, they pour

Like children to the playground

Children to the playground

You make me smile

There's some kind of light at the end

Stoned, forgetful, and then

I'm drinking what used to be sin

And touching the edge of her skin

And could you be the one that's not afraid

To look me in the eye

I swear I would collapse

If I would tell how I think you fell from the sky

My words, they pour

Like children to the playground

Children to the playground

You make me smile

There's some kind of light at the end

Stoned, forgetful, and then

I'm drinking what used to be sin

And touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end

Stoned, forgetful, and then

I'm drinking what used to be sin

And touching the edge of her skin

It's the feeling I get

My palms with sweat

Like some kind of daydream

I'll never forget

I'm stuck in this spin

Why does it begin by touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end

Stoned, forgetful, and then

I'm drinking what used to be sin

And touching the edge of her skin

There's some kind of light at the end

Stoned, forgetful, and then

I'm drinking what used to be sin

And touching the edge of her skin

What If We Could

playlist position: 112 - The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner (7) #8
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 4/15
year: 2006








The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner - pages 89-90
And I suddenly realized something stupendously obvious. It was the solution that had tickled the edges of my understanding before, when I was tracking the vampire herd to this place with Diego...
We didn't have to come back the other night! We shouldn't have! Why hadn't I thought of it then...?
We could disappear, and Riley would have to make do with nineteen vampires, or make some new ones quick. Either way, not our problem.
I couldn't wait to tell Diego my plan. My guy instinct was that he would feel the same. Hopefully.

_________________________

What if we could put our lives on hold
And meet somewhere inside of the world
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

2, 3, 4

On a park bench
On a skyscrape
On a mountain
Oh yeah, whatever it takes
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

I'm glad to say that we've met
But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't on our side

So go on
Go on be your own
Go on be your own star

What if we could?
Where would we go?
If it felt right
Would you want me to know?
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

It's like a last chance for a first dance
You're a sunrise
Can't somehow exist
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

I'm glad to say that we've met
But I'm sad to say that the circumstances weren't on our side

So go on
Go on be your own
Go on be your own star

A superstar in my eyes
In my eyes

Look in my eyes
Just look in my eyes
My eyes
My eyes

What if we could put our lives on hold
And meet somewhere inside of the world
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

On a park bench
On a skyscrape
On a mountain
Oh yeah, whatever it takes
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

God, I would
God, I would
I would meet you
Would you meet me?

I would meet you
I would meet you
I would meet you

Congratulations

playlist position: 77 - Breaking Dawn: Book One (4) #4
artist: Blue October (feat. Imogen Heap)
album: Foiled
track number:  7/15
year: 2006
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Breaking Dawn: Book One – Chapter 4 - Jacob's perspective
“You’d think I’d be used to telling you goodbye by now,” he murmured.
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t force it down.
Jacob looked at me and frowned. He wiped his fingers across my cheek, catching
the tears there.
“You’re not supposed to be the one crying, Bella.”
“Everyone cries at weddings,” I said thickly.
“This is what you want, right?”
“Right.”
“Then smile.”

_________________________

Is that seat taken?
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me?

My mind, it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me

I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. Him

My words, they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart

My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me

And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me)
And I can't change this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
Can't change your mind
(You left me)
Can't change you mind
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)

Go away
Make it go away
Please

Overweight

playlist position: 54 - Eclipse (3) #3
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 8/15
year: 2006
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Eclipse – Chapter 1 - Jacob's perspective
“Please just listen for a minute. This is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old
friend. Jacob is in pain.” My voice distorted around the word. “I can’t not try to help him—I can’t give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he’s not human all the time... Well, he was there for me when I was... not so human myself. You don’t know what it was like...” I hesitated. Edward’s arms were rigid around me; his hands were in fists now, the tendons standing out. “If Jacob hadn’t helped me... I’m not sure what you would have come home to. I owe him better than this, Edward.”

_________________________

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (Ha)
(Excuse me)

I want to carry a piece of who I was before
So when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall
I want to tear away the death again (Death again)
A whiter shade of fucking meth again (Meth again)
I want to stick to clues
I want to come unglued
I want to shape the world to fit the way you move
Oh, should I listen for a dress size?

I owned up, I've grown up
Do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used-to-be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happy
This is no longer about me

Trade rules, switch sides for your beautiful eyes
Let him be you through your beautiful cries
Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies
Live your life just like a dream
Without the pain of goodbyes (Goodbye)

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I been a drunk, disrespectful little street punk
Unlock the back of my trunk
You see, you take this bat
And bash my head into the street again (Street again)
No one's around, so I keep beating it (Yeah)

Pull my hair back, look me in the eye
There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy
It's the guilt of what reality has given me (Reality) (Given me)
Making sense of all mistakes and my stupidity

And when you're sick, you seem to think you've failed eternally
And that the people you let in are only crumbling (Crumbling)
When you're sick of faking life in this recovery
When my decision paved the road that lies in front of me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back (Call back)
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill (In my heart, yeah)
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another? (When I needed you)
For how long? (Where were you? Where were you?)
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long? (Where were you?)

But are we scared to take the ride?
Or dare to look inside?
I'm floating far away (Far away)
I'm floating far away (Whoa)
I'm floating far away (So far away)
(Leaving home)
I'm floating far away

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect (Floating far away)
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect (Floating far away)
I want to kiss a girl and know I'll never lie again
I want to call my dad and tell him that I care
I want to let my brother know he saved my life a thousand times
Throughout the years he's been my friend who's always there

Floating far away
Floating far away
Floating far away

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?

Hate Me

playlist position: 39 - New Moon alternates (2b) #2
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 5/15
year: 2006
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New Moon – Chapter 3 - Edward's perspective
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.
"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
"No."
I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz--hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.

_________________________

Voices:
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.

Voicemail:
”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you ware doing. You sounded really uptight last night. It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too. I just wanted to make sure you were really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication. You know I love you, and...
Take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye bye.”

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach, leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you
Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for three whole months
It’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy, I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

Voices:
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me

Voice: (repeating and slowing)
Hey Justin!

Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

playlist position: 37 - New Moon (2) #24
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 11/13
year: 2004
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New Moon – Chapter 24 - Edward and Bella's perspective
"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.
"You love me," I marveled. The sense of conviction and lightness washed through me again.
Though his eyes were anxious, that crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."
My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

_________________________

Somewhere, far away from here
I saw stars, stars that I could reach, yeah
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down beyond the ocean beach, yeah

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches
Land and time is left to float away, yeah

So rest assured I have the key to every opening
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream (dream)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between, yeah

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

So never look behind you
Spooky people bring you down
The world is ending
There's a party by the bay (bay)
I'll wear my suit and tie when I am (I am) toasting
To the way you put that smile upon my face, yeah

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me
Yeah, hell is jealous of the rain (rain)
Make love like time and space is ending
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

You make the sound of pulling heaven down
You brought the rain's romantic pour
You make the sound
You make the sound of pulling heaven down

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before (Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore (Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more (Go, go, go, go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before (Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore (Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more (Go, go, go, go, go, go)