Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)

playlist position: 41 - New Moon alternates (2b) #4
artist: Vertical Horizon
album: Everything You Want
track number: 4/11
year: 1999
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New Moon – Chapter 5
I wondered how long this could last. Maybe someday, years from now--if the pain would just decrease to the point where I could bear it--I would be able to look back on those few short months that would always be the best of my life. And, if it were possible that the pain would ever soften enough to allow me to do that, I was sure that I would feel grateful for as much time as he'd given me. More than I'd asked for, more that I'd deserved. Maybe someday I'd be able to see it that way.

_________________________

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

playlist position: 40 - New Moon alternates (2b) #3
artist: Weezer
album: Weezer (blue album)
track number: 3/10
year: 1994
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New Moon – Chapter 4
The thick haze that blurred my days now was sometimes confusing. I was surprised when I found myself in my room, not clearly remembering the drive home from school or even opening the front door. But it didn't matter. Losing track of time was the most I asked from life.

_________________________

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I just made love with your sweet memory
One thousand times in my head
You said you loved it more than ever, you said
You remain, turned away
Turning further everyday

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

I talked for hours to your wallet photograph
And you just listened
You laughed enchanted by my intellect
Or maybe you didn't

You remain, turned away
Turning further everyday

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

You remain, turned away
Turning further everyday

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

The world has turned and left me here (Do you believe what I sing now?)
Just where I was before you appeared (Do you believe what I sing now?)
And in your place an empty space (Do you believe...)
Has filled the void behind my face

Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe what I sing now?
Do you believe?

Hate Me

playlist position: 39 - New Moon alternates (2b) #2
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 5/15
year: 2006
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New Moon – Chapter 3 - Edward's perspective
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.
"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
"No."
I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz--hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.

_________________________

Voices:
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.

Voicemail:
”Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you ware doing. You sounded really uptight last night. It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too. I just wanted to make sure you were really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication. You know I love you, and...
Take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye bye.”

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach, leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you
Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for three whole months
It’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy, I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling, “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered, “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

Voices:
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me

Voice: (repeating and slowing)
Hey Justin!

The Truth About Heaven

playlist position: 36 - New Moon (2) #23
artist: Armor For Sleep
album: What to Do When You Are Dead
track number: 3/12
year: 2005
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New Moon – Chapter 23 - Edward's perspective
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars--points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

_________________________

Walk past my grave in the dark tonight
Saw the stone and the note you left for me
To answer your question, I just had to leave
I just had to leave

But that's not why I'm here
I came down here to tell you
It rains in heaven all day long
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you
Miserable up here without you

Found my way back in the dark tonight
Couldn't wake up not right next to you
I'd trade in forever to just hear you say the sound of my name

But that's not why I'm here
I came down here to tell you
It rains in heaven all day long
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you
Miserable up here without you

Don't believe that it's better when you leave everything behind
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die
Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die

I came down here to tell you
It rains in heaven all day long (all day long)
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you
Miserable up here without you

I came down here to tell you
It rains in heaven all day long (all day long)
I wanna find you so bad and let you know
I'm miserable up here without you
Miserable up here without you

Don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die

Sound of Pulling Heaven Down

playlist position: 37 - New Moon (2) #24
artist: Blue October
album: Foiled
track number: 11/13
year: 2004
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New Moon – Chapter 24 - Edward and Bella's perspective
"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.
"You love me," I marveled. The sense of conviction and lightness washed through me again.
Though his eyes were anxious, that crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."
My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

_________________________

Somewhere, far away from here
I saw stars, stars that I could reach, yeah
It was a midnight, a silent twilight
Fell down beyond the ocean beach, yeah

I assemble all the sand that cover wedding beaches
To build a castle so your mom would have a place to stay
Behind the water slide and down the hill where heaven reaches
Land and time is left to float away, yeah

So rest assured I have the key to every opening
To every wishing well that's deep enough to dream (dream)
I want to show you just how fascinating kissing is
When earth collides with all the space between, yeah

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

So never look behind you
Spooky people bring you down
The world is ending
There's a party by the bay (bay)
I'll wear my suit and tie when I am (I am) toasting
To the way you put that smile upon my face, yeah

Fill up the air balloon and ride with me
Yeah, hell is jealous of the rain (rain)
Make love like time and space is ending
While befriending fate's alluring way of putting us to shame

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more

You make the sound of pulling heaven down
You brought the rain's romantic pour
You make the sound
You make the sound of pulling heaven down

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before (Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore (Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more (Go, go, go, go)

I'm reaching farther than I ever have before (Tired of wasting time)
Leaving all who broke your heart upon the shore (Tired of wasting time)
I may be some sort of crazy
We may be some sort of crazy
But I swear on everything I have and more (Go, go, go, go, go, go)

Drag

playlist position:  38 - New Moon alternates (2b) #1
artist: Placebo
album: Meds
track number: 3/13
year: 2006
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New Moon – Chapter 3

The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side. Edward's face was the same as the last, cold and statue-like. But that wasn't the most troubling part of this photograph. The contrast between the two of us was painful. He looked like a god. I looked very average, even for a human, almost shamefully plain. I flipped the picture over with a feeling of disgust.

_________________________

You're always ahead of the game
I drag behind
You never get caught in the rain
When I'm drenched to the bone every time
You're the first one to swim across the Seine
I lag behind
You're always ahead of the game
While I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind

You're always ahead of the pack
I drag behind
You possess every trait that I lack
By coincidence or by design
You're the monkey I got on my back
That tells me to shine
You're always ahead of the pack
While I drag behind

I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind

You're always ahead of the rest
When I'm always on time
You got A's on your algebra test
I failed and they kept me behind
I just gotta get off my chest
That I think you're divine
You're always ahead of the rest
While I drag behind

I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind
I drag behind

Memory

playlist position: 35 - New Moon (2) #22
artist: Sugarcult
album: Palm Trees and Power Lines
track number: 3/13
year: 2004
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New Moon – Chapter 23
"Don't promise me anything," I whispered. If I let myself hope, and it came to nothing... that would kill me. Where all those merciless vampires had not been able to finish me off, hope would do the job.

_________________________

This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagine
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same

This may never start
I'll tear us apart
Can I be your enemy?
Losing half a year
Waiting for you here
I'd be your anything

So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagine
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same

This may never start
Tearing out my heart
I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
(I'd be your memory)
Feelings disappeared
Can I be your memory?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted
Just like I imagine
I could never feel this way
So get back, back, back to the disaster
My heart's beating faster
Holding on to feel the same

This may never start
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory
Lost your sense of fear
Feelings insincere
Can I be your memory?
Can I be your memory?

The Scientist

playlist position: 34 - New Moon (2) #21
artist: Coldplay
album: A Rush of Blood to the Head
track number: 4/11
year: 2002
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New Moon – Chapter 23 - Edward's perspective
"You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it--it felt like it would kill me to do it--but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."
"A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips.
"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible--that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry--sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

_________________________

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart
And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh