Blueside

playlist position: 24 - New Moon (2) #11
artist: Rooney
album: Rooney
track number: 1/11
year: 2003
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New Moon – Chapter 9
I was in deeper than I'd planned to go with anyone again. Now I couldn't bear for him to be hurt, and I couldn't keep from hurting him, either. He thought time and patience would change me, and, though I knew he was dead wrong, I also knew I would let him try.
He was my best friend. I would always love him, and it would never, ever be enough.

_________________________

The colors have built up in my mind
They're bleeding through my heart
But nobody knows that they exist
Look at my bursting veins
Now do you see the red in me?
It's a sign for the end

Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side
Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side

I've been given my brush and plate
But where will I paint my life?
And will the buyer in the sky
Believe in what I dream?
And it's so hard for me to explain
What I will miss to myself 

Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side
Only the ends of the red

Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum

Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side
Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side

Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side
Only the ends of the red
Will show you my blue side

Ah
Ah
Ah

Fix You

playlist position: 23 - New Moon (2) #10
artist: Coldplay
album: X&Y
track number: 4/13
year: 2005
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New Moon – Chapter 9 - Jacob's perspective
"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down--I promise you can always count on me. Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"

_________________________

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you 

Ride

playlist position: 22 - New Moon (2) #9
artist: The Vines
album: Winning Days
track number: 1/11
year: 2004
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New Moon – Chapter 8
I'd left my stomach back at the starting point; the adrenaline coursed through my body, tingling in my veins.

_________________________

Ah
That's the start, the middle, and the end
Aren't you glad the universe pretends
If I don't get this message home
Once again I'm gonna hate alone

Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me
Oh
Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me
Unless you
Yeah
Bored aloud ignore the right to be
Invite me down because we like to see
The colours through your loaded mind
Fuck the world and liberate our time

Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me
Oh
Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me
Yeah

I'm not waiting a long life
I'm not waiting alone

Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me home
Ride with me
Ride with me
Ride with me home 

Pain

playlist position:  21 - New Moon (2) #8
artist: Jimmy Eat World
album: Futures
track number: 6/11
year: 2004
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New Moon – Chapter 7
I turned my back on the gaping emptiness and hurried to my truck. I nearly ran. I was anxious to be gone, to get back to the human world. I felt hideously empty, and I wanted to see Jacob. Maybe I was developing a new kind of sickness, another addiction, like the numbness before. I didn't care. I pushed my truck as fast as it would go as I barreled toward my fix.

_________________________

I don't feel the way I've ever felt
I know
Gonna smile and not get worried
I try but it shows
Anyone can make what I have built
And better now
Anyone can find the same white pills
It takes my pain away

It's a lie, a kiss with open eyes
And she's not breathing back
Anything but bother me
It takes my pain away
Nevermind
These are hurried times
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me

I never thought I'd walk away from you
I did
But it's a false sense of accomplishment
Every time I quit
Anyone can see my every flaw
It isn't hard
Anyone can say they're above this all
It takes my pain away

It's a lie, a kiss with open eyes
And she's not breathing back
Anything but bother me
It takes my pain away
Nevermind
These are hurried times
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me
I can't let it bother me

It takes my pain away
It's a lie, a kiss with open eyes
And she's not breathing back
Anything but bother me
It takes my pain away
Nevermind
These are hurried times
Oh oh oh
I can't let it bother me

Takes my pain
Takes my pain
It takes my pain
It takes my pain away

Unwell

playlist position: 20 - New Moon (2) #7
artist: Matchbox 20 
album: More Than You Think You Are
track number: 4/13
year: 2002
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New Moon – Chapter 6
Charlie stared at me during breakfast, and I tried to ignore him. I supposed I deserved it. I couldn't expect him not to worry. It would probably be weeks before he stopped waiting for the return of the zombie, and I would just have to try to not let it bother me. After all, I would be watching for the return of the zombie, too. Two days was hardly long enough to call me cured.

_________________________

All day, staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night, hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown
I don't know why

But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Me, talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know, I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be
Something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I've lost my mind

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I'm just a little unwell

Empty Room

playlist position: 19 - New Moon (2) #6
artist: Marjorie Fair
album: Self Help Serenade
track number: 3/12
year: 2005
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New Moon – Chapter 4
I sat down on the bench outside the theater door and tried very hard not to think of the irony. But it was ironic, all things considered, that, in the end I would wind up as a zombie. I hadn't seen that one coming.
Not that I hadn't dreamed of becoming a mythical monster once--just never a grotesque, animated corpse. I shook my head to dislodge that train of thought, feeling panicky. I couldn't afford to think about what I'd once dreamed of.
It was depressing to realize that I wasn't the heroine anymore, that my story was over.

_________________________

I'm so tired of learning to talk
Building fences on the wall
In this state I shall not remain

I don't wanna go
But if I die young
Fill my empty room with the sun
Fill my empty room with the sun
This don't matter like it did before
This don't matter much anymore

Change my mind
Or help me to try
I'm afraid I'm not satisfied
In this state I shall not remain

I don't wanna go
But if I die young
Fill my empty room with the sun
Fill my empty room with the sun
This don't matter like it did before
This don't matter much anymore

This don't matter like it did before
This don't matter much anymore

Daylight is not the same
When your stabbing at the stars in your eyes
And bleeding is what you see

This don't matter like it did before
This don't matter much anymore
This don't matter like it did before
This don't matter much anymore
This don't matter much anymore

Apocalypse Please

playlist position: 17 - New Moon (2) #4
artist: Muse
album: Absolution
track number: 2/14
year: 2003
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New Moon – Chapter 3
With shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, I followed him into the forest. The evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. There were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but I walked forward without thinking. I could not do anything else. I had to keep moving. If I stopped looking for him, it was over.

_________________________

Declare this an emergency
Come on and spread a sense of urgency
And pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

It's time we saw a miracle
Come on it's time for something biblical
To pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

Proclaim eternal victory
Come on and change the course of history
And pull us through
And pull us through
And this is the end
This is the end of the world

Time Stands Still

playlist position: 18 - New Moon (2) #5
artist: The All-American Rejects
album: The All-American Rejects
track number:  4/11
year: 2003
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New Moon – Chapter 4
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand ches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.

_________________________

Him and her, life is turned
The day I knew you would leave
I can barely breathe
Can you hear me scream?

You, thrown in all directions
You, epitome of perfection
She's lost her will
Time is standing still

He walks her home
Now he walks alone
The days they turn into years
The eyes they drown in tears
Can you hear me scream?
You, thrown in all directions
You, epitome of perfection
She's lost her will
Time is standing still

The way we are, the way they were
(It's just a shadow of what's wrong)
The time with you, the time is stirred
(I love you for so long)
The hearts they turn, they turn away
(She says don't go, please don't you cry)
Love lost was found, night turns to day

You, thrown in all directions
You, epitome of perfection
She's lost her will
Time is standing still
You, thrown in all directions
You, epitome of perfection
She's lost her will (She's lost her will)
Time is standing still
You, you, you
Time is standing still

Hyper Music

playlist position: 16 - New Moon (2) #3
artist: Muse
album: Origin of Symmetry
track number: 4/11
year: 2001
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New Moon - Chapter 3
"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
"No."
I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz--hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the words he'd spoken.

_________________________

Your golden lies feed my role

In this forgotten space race under my control
Who's returned from the dead?
Who remains? (Just to rub it in your face)

You know that I don't want you
And I never did
I don't want you
And I never will

You wanted more than I was worth
And you think I was scared, yeah
And you needed proof
Who really cares anymore?
Who restrains? (Just to rub it in your face)

You know that I don't love you
And I never did
I don't want you
And I never will

Papercut

playlist position:  15 - New Moon (2) #2
artist: Linkin Park
album: Hybrid Theory
track number: 1/12
year: 2000
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New Moon - Chapter 1
Dazed and disoriented, I looked up from the bright red blood pulsing out of my arm--into the fevered eyes of the six suddenly ravenous vampires.

_________________________

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It's like a face that I hold inside
Like a face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too
And our paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin
The face inside is right beneath your skin

The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back (the sun)
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin (I feel the light betray me)

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back (the sun)
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within (I feel the light betray me)
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin (ah)

Do You Realize??

playlist position:  14 - New Moon (2) #1
artist: The Flaming Lips
album: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
track number: 9/11
year: 2002
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New Moon - Chapter 1
I'd been dreading this day for months.
All through the perfect summer--the happiest summer I had ever had, the happiest summer anyone anywhere had ever had, and the rainiest summer in the history of the Olympic Peninsula--this bleak date had lurked in ambush, waiting to spring.
And now that it had hit, it was even worse that I'd feared it would be. I could feel it--I was older.
Every day I got older, but this was different, worse, quantifiable. I was eighteen.
And Edward never would be.

_________________________

Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?

Do you realize we're floating in space?
Do you realize that happiness makes you cry?
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize?
Oh oh oh
Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die?

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do you realize that you have the most beautiful face?
Do you realize?

Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel)

playlist position:  13 - Twilight (1) #13
artist: Billy Joel
album: River of Dreams
track number: 7/10
year: 1993
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Twilight - Epilogue
"I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"
"Yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."
And he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my throat.

_________________________

Goodnight, my angel
Time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Wherever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight, my angel
Now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be

Someday your child may cry
And if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart
There will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be

Dreams

playlist position:  12 - Twilight (1) #12
artist: The Cranberries
album: Everybody Else Is Doing It, So Why Can't We?
track number: 2/12
year: 1993
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Twilight - Chapter 24
"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," I said. "But it just seems logical... a man and woman have to be somewhat equal... as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."
He folded his arms on the side of my bed and rested his chin on his arms. His expression was smooth, the anger reined in. Evidently he'd decided he wasn't angry with me. I hoped I'd get a chance to warn Alice before he caught up with her.
"You have saved me," he said quietly.
"I can't always be Lois Lane," I insisted. "I want to be Superman, too."

_________________________

Oh, my life is changing everyday
In every possible way
And oh, my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
Never quite as it seems

I know I've felt like this before
But now I'm feeling it even more
Because it came from you
And then I open up and see
The person falling here is me
A different way to be

Ah
La da
La da da
La ah yah
La ah ah
I want more
Impossible to ignore
Impossible to ignore
And they'll come true
Impossible not to do
Impossible not to do

And now I tell you openly
You have my heart so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find

A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me

Oh, my life
Is changing every day
In every possible way

And oh, my dreams
It's never quite as it seems
'Cause you're a dream to me
Dream to me

Ah da da da da da la
Ah da da da la
Ah da da da
La la

Tremble for My Beloved

playlist position: 11 - Twilight (1) #11
artist: Collective Soul
album: Dosage  /  Twilight Soundtrack
track number: 1/12  /  7/15
year: 1999  /  2008
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Twilight - Chapter 24
"You don't know what you're asking." His voice was soft; he stared intently at the edge of the pillowcase.
"I think I do."
"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."

_________________________

The hour has begun
Your eyes have now opened
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope's enslaved
Oh, I tremble for my love always

Your windows opened wide
Your innocence takes flight
To a world where madness craves
To a world where hope's enslaved
Oh, I tremble for my love always

It's a world where madness craves
It's a world where hope's enslaved
Oh, I tremble for my love always

It's a world where madness craves
It's a world where hope's enslaved
Yeah, I tremble for you love always

Time Is Running Out

playlist position:  10 - Twilight (1) #10
artist: Muse
album: Absolution
track number: 3/14
year: 2003
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Twilight - Chapter 21
Slowly, slowly, my thoughts started to break past that brick wall of pain. To plan. For I had no choice now but one: to go to the mirrored room and die. I had no guarantees, nothing to give to keep my mother alive. I could only hope that James would be satisfied with winning the game, that beating Edward would be enough. Despair gripped me; there was no way to bargain, nothing I could offer or withhold that could influence him. But I still had no choice. I had to try.
I pushed the terror back as well as I could. My decision was made. It did no good to waste time agonizing over the outcome. I had to think clearly, because Alice and Jasper were waiting for me, and evading them was absolutely essential, and absolutely impossible.

_________________________

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created
You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Oh

You will suck the life out of me
Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Oh yeah yeah
Oh yeah yeah

Here With Me

playlist position:  9 - Twilight (1) #9
artist: Dido
album: No Angel
track number: 1/12
year: 1999
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Twilight - Chapter 15
"I love you," I whispered.
"You are my life now," he answered simply.
There was nothing more to say for the moment. He rocked us back and forth as the room grew lighter.

_________________________

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory

Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

I don't want to call my friends
They might wake me from this dream
And I can't leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that's been

Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

Oh, I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here with me

Please Forgive Me

playlist position:  8 - Twilight (1) #8
artist: David Gray
album: White Ladder
track number: 1/10
year: 1998
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Twilight - Chapter 13
"Be very still," he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen.
Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him.
With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered, and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didn't pause as they softly moved to my shoulders, and then stopped.
His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest. Listening to my heart.
"Ah," he sighed.

_________________________

Please forgive me
If I act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you

Help me out here
All my words are falling short
And there's so much I want to say
Want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way
When you look at me that way

Throw a stone and watch the ripples flow
Moving out across the bay
Like a stone, I fall into your eyes
Deep into that mystery
Ah, deep into some mystery

I got half a mind to scream out loud
I got half a mind to die
So I won't ever have to lose you girl
Won't ever have to say goodbye
I won't ever have to lie
Won't ever have to say goodbye

Whoa, I
Whoa, I
Whoa, I

Please forgive me
If I act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you

Dreaming

playlist position:  7 - Twilight (1) #7
artist: Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark (OMD)
album: The Best of OMD
track number: 15/18
year: 1998
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Twilight - Chapter 12
He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this god-like creature could be meant for me.
He stared at me, bewildered by my tortured expression.
"Do you want to go home?" he said quietly, a different pain than mine saturating his voice.
"No." I walked forward till I was close beside him, anxious not to waste one second of whatever time I might have with him.

_________________________

If you were born in heaven, girl
I'd understand so well
But ever since I met you, child
You've made my life such hell
With every day that passes
I fall nearer to the ground
It seems that I've been looking for
Something that won't be found

I was only dreaming
I was only trying to catch your eye
I was only wishing you would notice me
Instead you said goodbye

Could this be the new answer then
To all the dreams we've made
Could there be some solution please
To rid me of this craze
But every single second that you
Hold me in your arms
You build me up you raise me up
You kill me with your charms

I was only dreaming
I was only trying to catch your eye
I was only wishing you would notice me
Instead you said goodbye

Won't you stay here tonight?
Won't you make these feelings last?
Can't we start this all again?
Would that be just too much to ask?

I was only dreaming
I was only trying to catch your eye
I was only wishing you would notice me
Instead you said goodbye

I was only dreaming
I was only trying to catch your eye
I was only wishing you would notice me
Instead you said goodbye

By Myself

playlist position: 6 - Twilight (1) #6
artist: Linkin Park
album: Hybrid Theory
track number: 7/12
year: 2000
listen on YouTube

                                                                                                                                              Twilight - Chapter 8

It seemed to take forever for me to get to the corner. I kept my pace steady, the men behind me falling ever so slightly farther behind with every step. Maybe they realized they had scared me and were sorry. I saw two cars going north past the intersection I was heading for, and I exhaled in relief. There would be more people around once I got off this deserted street. I skipped around the corner with a grateful sigh.
And skidded to a stop.
The street was lined on both sides by blank, doorless, windowless walls. I could see in the distance, two intersections down, streetlamps, cars, and more pedestrians, but they were all too far away. Because lounging against the western building, midway down the street, were the other two men from the group, both watching with excited smiles as I froze dead on the sidewalk. I realized then that I wasn't being followed.
I was being herded.

_________________________

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on
Then they’ll take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
By myself (myself)

I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself (myself)
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

How do you think I’ve lost so much?
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch
How do you expect I will know what to do
When all I know is what you tell me to?

Don’t you know?
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside

Don’t you know?
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking

Wth>You

playlist position:  5 - Twilight (1) #5
artist: Linkin Park
album: Reanimation
track number: 11/20
year: 2002
listen on YouTube





Twilight - Chapter 7
And I knew in that, I had my answer. I didn't know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep. Now that I knew--if I knew--I could do nothing about my frightening secret. Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.

_________________________

Come on

I woke up in a dream today
To the cold and the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I’m pretending
To be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hipocrisy
And I’m left in the wake
Of the mistakes, slow to react
And even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

It’s true, the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me
I’m with you

You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I hit you and you hit me back
And we fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
But when things go wrong
I pretend that the past isn’t real
I’m trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake
Of the mistakes, slow to react
Even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back

It’s true, the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me
I’m with you

You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes

No, I won’t let you control my fate
While I’m holding the weight of the world on my conscience
No, I won’t just sit here and wait
While you weighing options, you’re making a fool of me
No, you didn’t dare try to say that you don’t care
And solemnly swear not to follow me there
No, it ain’t like me to beg on my knees
Oh, please, oh baby, please
That’s not how I’m doing things
No, I’m not upset
No, I’m not angry
I know love is love
Love and sometimes it pains me
With or without you
I’ll always be with you
You’ll never forget me
I’m keeping you with me
No, I won’t let you take me to the end of my rope
While you burn it and torture my soul
No, I’m not your puppet
And, no, no, no, I won’t let you go

No, no matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we’ve come, I
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
With you

You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes
With you
You, now I see
Keeping everything inside
With you
You, now I see
Even when I close my eyes

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

playlist position: 4 - Twilight (1) #4
artist: My Chemical Romance
album: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
track number: 5/13
year: 2004
watch on YouTube







Twilight - Chapter 5
"What if I'm not the superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"

_________________________

Well, if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you
That it's not the life it seems? (I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again
You sing the words
But still don't know what it means (I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook
For the last time take a good hard look

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay, now (I'm okay, now)
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this
I'm okay (Trust me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay (Okay)

In My Place

playlist position: 3 - Twilight (1) #3
artist: Coldplay
album: A Rush of Blood to the Head
track number: 2/11
year: 2002
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Twilight - Chapter 5
"I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

_________________________

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Oh, for it

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and underprepared
But I wait for it

If you go, if you go
Leaving me down here on my own
Then, I'll wait for you, yeah

Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Yeah, how long must you pay for it?
Yeah, how long must you wait for it?
Oh, for it

Sing it please, please, please
Come back and sing to me, to me, me
Come on and sing it out, now, now
Come on and sing it out, to me, me
Come back and sing it

In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah, oh yeah

Creep

playlist position: 2 - Twilight (1) #2
artist: Radiohead
album: Pablo Honey
track number: 2/12
year: 1993
watch on YouTube







Twilight - Chapter 4
My stomach twisted as I realized what he must have meant. He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me on... so we couldn't even be friends... because he wasn't interested in me at all.
Of course he wasn't interested in me, I thought angrily, my eyes stinging--a delayed reaction to the onions. I wasn't interesting. And he was. Interesting... and brilliant... and mysterious... and perfect... and beautiful... and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.
Well, that was fine. I could leave him alone. I would leave him alone. I would get through my self-imposed  sentence here in purgatory, and then hopefully some school in the Southwest, or possibly Hawaii, would offer me a scholarship.

_________________________

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so *fucking special             (clean version * very)

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so *fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so *fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

playlist position: 1 - Twilight (1) #1
artist: Travis
album: The Man Who
track number: 7/10
year: 1999
watch on YouTube







Twilight - Chapter 1
When I landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. I didn't see it as an omen--just unavoidable. I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun.

_________________________

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at
The end of all these lights

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else

Sunny days
Oh Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue sky go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything is alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights

Sunny days
Oh, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Oh, where did the blue sky go?
Oh, and why is it raining so?
It's so cold

Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning

Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on
Oh, on

What is the playlist?

I guess I should at least mention what the hell "The Stephenie Meyer Twilight Ispiration Playlist" is. Although, if you're here reading this, you probably already know. But just in case you just stumbled across this blog and are interested...
I'm just going to assume you know what the Twilight Saga is and who Stephenie Meyer is. Let's not insult your intelligence THAT much. And if you don't, "you can google it".
So, Stephenie mentioned that music is a huge part of her writing process and essentially 'needs' it to inspire her. As she was writing the series, she listened to specific songs for specific points in the story. She also either remembered or recorded as she went, which songs inspired which parts. She shared this information with her fans in "The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide". (I'd tell you what pages this is, but I don't have the book with me right now and don't feel like going upstairs to get it. Maybe I'll add it in later.) *pages 470-504*
I spent some time acquiring every single song, putting them in order, and creating a Twilight Inspiration playlist in my iTunes. Now I will share that with you.

iTunes

I recently got a new computer because my old one is about to die. I was afraid to lose my iTunes again (yes, it happened before) so one of the first things I did on the new one was to install iTunes. When I did this, I discovered something. Did you know you can have the same library on up to five devices at the same IP address? Well, it was news to me. Apparently there is something called home sharing which, when you turn it on, syncs two or more computers iTunes libraries to each other using iCloud. I thought that was awesome. It would save me from having to go through the very long and complicated process of moving my library from the old computer to the new one that I went through last time. So, hubby set it all up for me (I'm kinda computer-stupid.) and we started the syncing process. I am a hoarder and have around 18,000 songs in my library. You can view and listen the music you sync on the new device but in order to edit, update, etc. you have to import each song through iCloud. This takes awhile. Especially when there are 18,000 songs. Now, in hindsight, I should have done it in separate batches. But I did not do that. Hubby started the syncing process when we went to bed and we figured overnight should be fine.
Alas, since the computer was sitting idle, it went into hibernation mode. The process was interrupted. When he woke up in the morning, he restarted the process again. Everything seemed to be fine. But appearances are deceiving. It turns out, at least 10% on my music "cannot be found" anymore. On either computer. Crap. Luckily, being a hoarder, I have mostly everything backed up on cds. So yesterday I started the process of finding out what's missing and re-adding it to my library. Pain. In. The. Ass.
However, one thing that is lost and cannot be retrieved is anything that is in the "lyrics" or "artwork" tab. As I said, I am a hoarder. And I feel ill at ease when things are imcomplete. So, when I add something to my iTunes, I am very precise in the way I label everything. And if it's something I listen to a lot, I include the album artwork and lyrics. And if it's Twilight related, it's even more detailed. I'll explain. The soundtracks themselves don't all have album artwork. Most of the songs have pictures that come from the scene where the song played. The Stephenie Meyer Inspiration Playlist was the most complex. Each song had not only the song lyrics but also the passage from the books that Stephenie referred to in The Official Illustrated Guide. And, OF COURSE, the entire playlist (116 songs, btw) was part of the missing files. So... I went to re-upload the back up discs I made, but all of that info, as well as the album titles and track numbers and the song's position within the playlist is lost. I have to individually go through the whole list again and add all that.
Which brings me to my point.
I'm making this blog more for my own use. In case this ever happens again or something else goes wrong. It's a long process to find all the lyrics online (and correct their mistakes) and all the artist information and album artwork. It's an even longer process to write out the passages from the books. So, I'm adding it all here so I can just copy and paste if it happens again. (This is my sickness. Feel free to scoff.)
Of course, you are more than welcome to enjoy the information here. Each post will be one song. They will be in the order Stephenie has them in the illustrated guide (a must-have for all hardcore Twilight fans). The posts will include everything I mentioned that I have in my iTunes. I may occasionally add a picture or two from the corresponding point in the movies as well, but maybe not, since this is book stuff.
Enjoy. Or not. I don't care.